Because I want to

It’s been a while since I’ve posted, mainly because I haven’t felt like it. I was going through  “blah” period where nothing was glaringly wrong, but nothing was glaringly right either — I was just bored. My real-life saga of injuries continued over the past couple of weeks. Three weeks ago, just when I finally felt hope of my stress-fracture healing soon, I started to experience a severe pain in my hip rotator muscle. I honestly don’t know when it started because it didn’t start as severe pain, but as most of my injuries go, I didn’t listen to my body and it escalated. I didn’t go to the doctor because I’m honestly sick of doctors and don’t feel the need to pay someone $40 to tell me to rest…Ok well maybe I do, since I didn’t rest. I continued to go to SoulCycle, TRX, Refine, etc. Spinning seemed to irritate it and the strength training didn’t feel “normal,” but seemed to help. I was telling my old running buddy about my pain after spin one day and our conversation went something like this:

Friend: “Oh, so spinning does hurt it?”

Me: “No, it does.”

Friend: “Then why the heck did you go to SoulCycle”

Me: “Because I want to”

…and there you have it folks, my attitude towards life and how most of my decisions are made in one short sentence — “because I want to.” Call it stubbornness, call it stupidity, call it whimsical bravado, call it what you may. I consider myself a very a smart sensical person, but when it comes down to it, I tend to just do what I want.

So when week 5 and 6 of my stress fracture recovery rolled around and I had the OK from the doctor to run, I didn’t because I just didn’t feel like it. Mostly I was scared. When you suffer enough injuries in one year you tend to believe that just stumping your foot will cause your whole leg to shatter. I also didn’t have the motivation. I prefer to run in the morning and motivating myself to get out of bed, in the dark, in chilly weather, for a predicted 1mile run isn’t real easy. Every night for two weeks I told myself that the next day I would run and for two weeks I made excuses not to: I’m sore, my hip/butt pain hurts, I’m tired, it’s cold, etc…

Then one morning, a miracle happened. The motivation came to me from a few places: A series of Soul-Cycle classes inspired me and a few tough TRX @ Chaise23 and Pilates ProWorks and RefineMethod classes reminded me that I was strong. I even won an awesome shirt on Sweaty Saturday at a TRX class @ Pilates ProWorks to prove it 🙂

 

I had a few experiences that reminded me, I’m not the type of person to give up and I also remembered how HAPPY I was when I was running. Last Friday morning I woke up, put my fears out of my mind and my shoes on my feet. I made the choice to forget about my injuries and focus on doing what I wanted to do…and I wanted to run. So I ran. I ran in the foggy early morning out to the East River. Shockingly, it didn’t hurt. My legs didn’t feel heavy and my lungs didn’t feel out of breath. It felt natural. I had planned on 1-2 miles, but I ran 3 miles because I wanted to. Then I cried. Yep, I cried. I’m emotional. Don’t worry, though, these were pure tears of joy. I had expected the worst and got the best.

I’m not going to lie, I was in the a better mood last Friday than I had been in months. The next question I foresee people asking me next is, “So are you training for anything now?” The answer is, NO. I’m running because I want to, when I want to. A couple of months ago I lost my lust for running because I was never just running for me and I don’t want that to happen again anytime soon.

What’s the morale of this story? We’re not in 7th grade English class and this isn’t a quiz, so I’ll just give it to you: It’s OK to do what you want purely because you want to. 

 

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One Response to Because I want to

  1. I love your posts and I love that you are doing only what YOU want to! Sometimes its nice just to run for the love of running and not for a race or for any reason in particular. I think thats with most things too, you are more likely to do them if it comes from inside. You rock 🙂

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